


Your Name is Hope

by 100xoverfest



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, mentions of domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 18:21:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8544127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/100xoverfest/pseuds/100xoverfest
Summary: A Simple College Love Story.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The title is inspired by a song of the same name: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmDB8RXeudA

 

**~1~**

The building was 56 year olds and run-down. It had 15 floors. There are six flats with nearly identical design on each floor. One bedroom was at the end of the narrow wooden-paved hall separating the place in half and another two on the right. A small living room and a kitchen situated on the right. The path to the toilet was inside the kitchen. Old as it was, the building was in the center of the city. It had all sorts of stores (including a 24/7 convenient store) on the ground floor, was right above the bus stop, five-minute to the subway, across the supermarket, right next to the mall, only a 10-minute away from the university and affordable given its condition, which made it an ideal place for college students. Junmyeon lived in flat 12B on the 12th floor with Sehun and Kyungsoo. He was going to be an official architecture student in seven days, along with Kyungsoo while Sehun took photography. They were one year younger than him but both went to college early. Therefore, they were in the same year. It was in the evening, after groceries shopping, when he first met Yifan. He was about to unlock the door to the flat when he saw a tall and lanky boy, carrying a big cardboard box, standing in the midst of other boxes in front of flat 12A, waiting for a woman to open the door. He quickly opened 12B's door, ran to the kitchen to drop the groceries then back out. “Uhm, hi, I’m Junmyeon from 12B. Nice to meet you both,” he greeted and bowed. The boy and the woman turned back at him, a little bit startled. The boy just nodded at him lightly and retracted his view back to the box he was carrying. “Nice to meet you, too,” the woman said, “I'm Han Minjung and this is Wu Yifan.” Miss Han continued as she unlocked the door. "You must also study at X university, right?" “Yes, I’m in architecture.” “That’s great. So is Yifan. Help each other out, eh?” “I’d be glad to. Do you two need help with the boxes? There are a lot of them.” “Well, if you don’t mind. Thank you.” Miss Han pushed the door. Yifan stepped in first.

 

**~2~**

Junmyeon stayed and chat with Miss Han for a while afterwards. He left the boxes outside of Yifan’s room as he insisted. Yifan then retreated to his room. Miss Han was teaching Structures at the university. She stayed here for a while to take care of Yifan, who is the son of her best friend’s older brother. His uncle took him here to stay with Miss Han from China when he was 13 year olds. They used to stay in a building two blocks away from here. She wanted to move here so Yifan could be with friends more. “As you can see, he’s rather reserved,” Miss Han said as she stirred her hot chocolate. “That kid always got one worried.” As they were talking, Jung Sooyeon, Yifan's best friend who is living on campus came to help him unpack. Miss Han and Sooyeon asked him to stay for dinner but he refused as he promised Kyungsoo to help with dinner that night. “See you around,” Jessica said, waving at the door. Junmyeon bowed one last time. He did not miss the sight of the heap of boxes in front of the closed room when Miss Han closed the door.

 

**~3~**

Merely five days into the school year and the students were already showered with works on models and readings. Some chose to opt out at the end of the week, feeling they had chosen the wrong career. Junmyeon and Kyungsoo could hardly find the time to breathe. They spent most of the time in the studio. Shower as well as self-cooked meals, even sunlight became a rarity. The notes started to come on a Friday. Junmyeon found it on the floor, wrapped in a white envelope, near the door gap in the flat when he came back for shower. It was sent to Junmyeon from Yifan, as written on the envelope.

 

_“Can I borrow your notes? Sorry for bothering you. Thank you. Yifan from 12A”_

Junmyeon was taken aback. Ever since their first encounter, he never saw Yifan again, which was weird because they shared four classes. He slid in 12A a note in reply, explaining he would bring the notes over tomorrow since he left everything in the school’s studio. He then quickly catch the bus back to school as he feared he could not finish the project he was working on on time if he walked. To Junmyeon surprise, Yifan came knocking on12B door next morning at 9 while he was still sleeping after coming home at 4. He forced his eyes open and got out of bed, bumping side to side while passing through the narrow corridor to open the door. Yifan seemed nervous and just as sleep-deprived as Junmyeon; the dark circles underneath his eyes said it all. “Did I come too early? I could come back later,” Yifan said worriedly. Junmyeon became wide awake just then, for two things. First, it was the first time he heard Yifan’s voice. It matched what he had imagined, low and deep. Second, he totally forgot what state he was in, waking up after literally collapsing in bed early this morning, when he came to open the door. He did not dare to imagine what Yifan must be seeing right now. He wished he would just vanish into thin air there and then. “Uhm, no, no ... Gosh, I’m sorry …” He quickly regain his composure. “I’ll … uhm, come over later. Is it okay?” “I could come in and wait. If you don’t mind, of course.” “That’d be great.” He quickly stepped aside for Yifan to come in.

 

**~4~**

Junmyeon led Yifan to the living room, apologized once more before he retreated to the bathroom. He went back to find Yifan having not moved an inch on the floor at the coffee table, his hands fidgeting. He sat down across Yifan, pulling his notebooks from the bag. Yifan followed suit. “Can I see your notes, too? We can share,” Junmyeon said, laying textbooks and a pencil case on the table. “Uhm … I don’t think mine would be much help,” Yifan said, fumbled with his things. “Don’t say that. You don’t know how much you can learn off another peer.” “No, really. It wouldn’t be much help. Can I just borrow your notes and return them later?” “Sure. But we can learn together. I may have missed a thing or two that you noted down,” Junmyeon replied, clicking his pen. Yifan was silent for a while before he nodded. Hesitantly, he opened his refill pad. Junmyeon reached over, then, he took it to his side to examine it more thoroughly. He turned over the pages. Yifan’s words are jumbled together, as if he was shaking while writing them. Still, it was legible. That was not the problem, though. The problem was that there were very few of them, even though there were subject names, dates and titles at the top. Junmyeon furrowed his brow. “Why did you not write anything at all?” He looked up to a nearly horrified Yifan. Junmyeon never wanted to slap himself harder any other time in his life than now. He brought out what Kyungsoo andSehun called his “old grumpy teacher voice” to a newly-made acquaintance. Well done, Junmyeon! He had scared the life out of Yifan now. He cleared his throat, relaxed his face. His voice came out softer this time. “Sorry, it was just … the lectures were quite long so I wondered when I didn’t see much.” “I … I …” Yifan stumbled over his words. He looked away from Junmyeon’s gaze to find his words. “I … didn’t write much … because …” He looked down at his fumbling hands, “I was drawing,” he shook his head, “more like doodling.” He looked back up at Junmyeon, speaking faster. “But I can’t concentrate otherwise, so … I’m sorry.” He looked down again. “Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. I understand that. Just try to focus more next time.” Yifan smiled and nodded firmly. Turned out, even though Yifan did not take much notes, he remembered quite a lot of things. Junmyeon’s notes filled most of the gaps. They compiled their notes together. As they talked, he figured out why he did not meet Yifan at all. Yifan usually went to early and sat in the far back while Junmyeon came late and sat on the front. Also, Yifan preferred to work in the spare room in 12A rather than the school studio because there were just too many people there. Kyungsoo and Sehun joined them sooner afterwards with energy drink. Junmyeon offered to help Yifan with parts he did not understand. He told him to mark them by sticky notes. “Don’t worry, Yifan-hyung. Junmyeon-hyung is used to this whole teaching thing. He taught us all the time in high school,” Sehun reassured Yifan when he said he was afraid of bothering Junmyeon too much. Yifan gave him a shy smile and offered to help them all with their projects if they ever needed him. He stayed for lunch and left before dinner. Like always, he just sat in silence, listening to the 12B’s boys bantering. There was just something about Yifan made Junmyeon curious. He could not pinpoint exactly what was it about him that was different. It must have been his vibes. He was tall yet he hunched when he walked, as if trying to make himself small. He stood out yet he tried to make himself inexistent all the time. He seemed bold yet he was reserved and quiet. His brow said fierce yet his eyes emanated sadness. All of that made him want to protect Yifan for some reason. He shook himself, shifted his focus back on his bowl.

 

**~5~**

Generally, to Junmyeon, Yifan was doing okay in Structures - involving considerable physics, excelled in Studio work (being hailed in front of the class more than once) but when it came to subjects that were theory-oriented, he struggled. Coupled with his shallow concentration, it was even more of a disaster. Thus, a few new activities were incorporated into Yifan’s routine. Yifan came to sit in the front with Junmyeon in every class. He gave Junmyeon his textbooks, marked with sticky posts on Friday, to look over. And he studied with Junmyeon on the weekend. Yifan also spent a little more time after school in the university studio to assist Junmyeon and Kyungsoo. He handed tools to them, fixed parts when called to. Other time, he retreated to the spare room in 12A. Junmyeon always wondered what kind of work Yifan was up to in there. He asked one time on a Friday, when they were in an empty lecture hall after school, writing answers to Yifan’s questions on the sticky posts. “It’s nothing. Just drawing,” Yifan answered, head resting on his forearms, looking at Junmyeon’s hand moving on the paper. “Can I come over sometimes?” Yifan fell silent. “Come on. I help you with your work all the time,” Junmyeon said, turning over a new page. “I help you in the studio, too. I even helped with cooking.” Junmyeon did not have to look up to know that Yifan was pouting. “Artist,” he sniggered mentally. “Maybe in the future,” Yifan said after a while. “Yours,” Junmyeon handed back Yifan his textbook, “If you still don’t get something, tell me tomorrow, okay?” Yifan nodded.

 

**~6~**

They were studying for Architecture History that time when Kyungsoo, Sehun and Yifan fell asleep on the living room floor. Junmyeon took a break from his computer to get some blankets for the boys and another energy drink. He saw Yifan's sketchbook falling out of his backpack when he sat back down. He knew that it was not right to see through someone's art without their permission yet he could not resist it. Yifan's peers had always admired his talent from the first day they did studio work. He always found a way to connect with the spectators and never failed to make the work distinctly his. Junmyeon opened the sketchbook, skimmed through it quickly after seeing the first page and he was stunned, completely petrified. The pictures were not just mere doodles but they were some sort of diary. There were no dates and words, just pictures. Some pictures were colored with different materials, some were not. Some were print pictures pasted in. Some were simple; some were complicated and extremely detailed. Various styles were in there, from abstract to impressionist. He quickly closed it as it was something too personal for Junmyeon to closely look at. It made him wonder even more. With this kind of talent, he could not understand why Yifan did not take painting for it to be nurtured and to blossom but instead, choose architecture, which was obviously had less space for him to express his creativity. He carefully put the sketchbook back. He then pasted a post-it note on Yifan's history textbook:

 

_"I love your art. A lot."_

A few days later, he found a sticky post on his model he was working on in the studio that read:

 

_“So do I. A lot.”_

**~7~**

Sooyeon crushed Junmyeon’s head from the sides with her fist one day when he went over 12A to return one of Yifan’s textbooks. “What the …? What are you doing?” He scrunched his eyes shut, reaching forward to escape. “I see you spend a lot of time with Yifan lately,” she uttered coldly, dropping her grip. “So what? You did, too. We just studied together, nothing more.” “I was his pen pal since he was eight. Aside from his time here, he’s with you All. The. Time. He’s never been close to someone this much, mister High school Hot Boy.” “What does it have to ... Wait, how did you know?” Junmyeon said in surprise. “I did a little digging,” she propped herself up with her right hand, the other tapping on the table, avoiding Junmyeon’s gaze. “You did that to everyone around Yifan?” “Only the close ones. Shit, I have to finish the report Miss Han assigned me to,” she said, looking at the time on her phone. She looked over him again, “What are you still doing here? You already returned the book.” “You invited me in for tea.What’s more do you know about me? Would you tell him? Why do you investigate people around him anyway?” Junmyeon questioned further. Sooyeon just shooed him away, “Go back home. Go back. Come on,” she stood up and led him to the door. “If you hurt him in any way, I’ll end you,” she smirked before slamming the door to Junmyeon’s face. Yifan had always been a mystery to him, now he was wrapped in another layer of enigma. It was true that they spent a lot of time studying together but it was just studying. They hardly ever talked as Yifan was not the type who fancied talking. Most of their studying sessions were just Junmyeon’s monologue with occasional interruptions of Yifan’s questions. He seemed to be in his own world all the time. If Sooyeon was implying what he thought she implied, then, she did not have to worry as he never thought of Yifan that way.

 

**~8~**

Everyone was rushing to finish the mountain of work as the end of the first semester drew close. The freshmen were even more exhausted as they were compelled to prepare for the school annual spring art exhibition as well. Yifan finally succumbed to working in the school studio because of an accident - a kid on his way to school crashed into him, ruining his project model on the morning of the deadline. It was not like the risk would be completely diminished working at school but the odds were definitely lower. If he did not fall asleep next to Junmyeon in the school studio, he would fall asleep in 12B. It was weird, Junmyeon thought, to feel so natural to take care of someone like this when he laid a blanket over Yifan. “How long do you guys will continue flirting?” Sehun sleepily asked as he stretched on their living room floor. “What?” Joonmyeon furrowed, went back to his laptop. “Hyung, it was like Yifan-hyung moved here over the past three months. You two were with each other all the time. He cooked for you. You helped him with his study. He helped you with your models.” “Lower your voice, Fan’s sleeping. It’s not like that. We were just really good friends. Kyungsoo also cooked for me. And I taught the bunch of you, not just him.” “You should hear yourself,hyung. End this tug-of-war thing and ask him out for real.” Junmyeon smacked the brat with his notes, ending the conversation. “None of your business, kid.” Junmyeon was well aware of everything Sehun said. It was not that he did not want to take the relationship farther, Yifan just seemed uninterestd. Their study space did not limit to flat 12B, the university and the studio over the months. It expanded to park, mall, cafe, the river but the scope of their relationship stayed the same. At least that was what Junmyeon felt. Considering what they had been doing for the last few months, it was safe to say that they had dated. But they did not text or talk much; their conversations limited to the world of architecture; they did not take selfies or anything; they never asked each other out officially. Junmyeon wondered if anything happened between them counted at all. They went on like that for the whole first year.

 

**~9~**

The second year came as fall once again knocked on the door. Junmyeon stared at the half-finished painting Yifan currently working on in his make-shift studio in 12A. It was going to be displayed at the school’s art exhibition this spring. The theme waswind, which was by means easy to get across. Yet, Yifan did it so effortlessly. After last year exhibition, Yifan was offered plentiful of commissions. Junmyeon felt a little lost. He had been since the class submitted their first projects last year. He found himself lacking compared to others, in terms of uniqueness, technique and intuition. Talent also. Maybe he was not cut out for this after all. Efforts were just not enough. Passion was definitely not enough. He must admit that even though he always looked at Yifan’s works with admiration and he was happy for each of his accomplishment at such a young age, he could not help but feel jealous sometimes. His train of thoughts was cut by a warm feeling on his head, Yifan teasingly placing a hot drink on the top. Caramel macchiato, his favorite. “What are you thinking,Myeon?” Yifan asked, giving him the cup. “Nothing at all,” he answered, reached out to hold the cup, taking a sip, “Actually, what do you think about my works?” Yifan scooted closer to him, his right arm touched Junmyeon’s shoulder, brow furrowed, thinking, “Elegant, meticulous, I especially like the way you pay attention to each and every detail. There were hardly ever any technical mistakes. Simple yet very attractive.” He counted with his fingers at every point made. “But I feel … they were just not … artistic enough.” Yifan furrowed again. “You know, they are not like yours. They are just … normal.” “So? Artistic does not pop out of nowhere. It is built through practice and nurture. It is a really contested concept anyway. You’re 19. You still have plenty of time to find your path. Also, stop comparing yourself to others. It does no good.” Yifan said, facing him now. “Yeah, I know. But I can’t help doing that surrounding by so many talented people.” “Trust me. They are just as confused and uncertain as you are. Didn’t you say something like if we try harder and harder, if we pour our efforts into something, we’ll eventually get what we want?” Yifan said and turned to the painting picking up the palette and the brush, starting to color. Junmyeon said nothing. He just rested his chin on Yifan’s left shoulder. Yifan paused for a moment but let him. “I have another thing to ask.” Junmyeon said after a while, watching Yifan’s helix gradually turned red, “Will you go on a date with me?” “Date?” “Yeah, like what we do all the time, go to cafe and stuff.” “Why ask? Like you said, we do it all the time.” “Well, I mean an official date. You know, to mark the start of a relationship.” Yifan turned silent. Eventually, he moved, made Junmyeon’s chin slipped from his shoulder. “I think we are okay as we are now.”

 

**~10~**

The first semester, even though heavy and exhausting, ended in a swift. Sehun and Junmyeon went back home to celebrate Christmas with their families. Kyungsoo stayed to save money as his family lived outside the city. Sooyeon flew back to the US to visit her family. Yifan locked himself in 12A, trying to finish the painting. All, saved for Sooyeon, went back to the flat on New Year’s Eve. Miss Han invited the 12B’s boys to her Countdown party. Sooyeon video-called them through Skype. They had a drinking contest to see who would be drunk first. They were all quite tough, thus, the contest spanned to around 2 in the morning. At the time, almost everyone collapsed on the floor, due to exhaustion more than insobriety. Miss Han lied on the sofa. Sehun and Kyungsoo lied in front of the tv. Sooyeon fell asleep in front of her laptop. Only Junmyeon and Yifan were awake, although a bit tipsy. They went to fetch the blankets for the sleepers. After a few more shots, Junmyeon followed Yifan into his room. They had never had this much alcohol in their system. They lied on Yifan’s bed, facing each other underneath the blanket. Junmyeon put a hand over Yifan’s waist, testing the waters. Yifan did not reject the gesture, lying still. Junmyeon leaned closer. Their foreheads touched. Yifan closed his eyes. Junmyeon moved his hand underneath Yifan’s white shirt, caressing his back softly. He propped up and kissed down to Yifan’s cheek. He then moved his lips along Yifan’s jawline. He was about to kiss Yifan’s lips when he heard his even breath, Yifan was tight asleep. He smiled regretfully, went back to kissing Yifan’s cheek a few more times, then, joined his sleep. Junmyeon did not have to wait for long after New Year to get his kiss. Yifan dropped by the school studio when he was practicing to give him a cup of caramel macchiato. When Junmyeon turned to get the cup, Yifanpecked on his lips in a flash. When Yifan turned to leave, he pulled him back down for a proper kiss. Junmyeon was glad that their relationship was finally moving now.

 

**~11~**

The weight of the future became even more visible as the students reached the spring semester of the sophomore year. Junmyeon, Kyungsoo and Yifan occasionally helped with Miss Han’s studio, which specialized in architecture, interior design and graphic design. Junmyeon could hardly believe how lucky he was, being able to involve with the industry through a famed studio. Of course, they just helped with really minor things but they learnt a lot nevertheless. Junmyeon also got to know Yifan a little bit more. He said Miss Han was like a mother to him, raising him from when he was 13. Sooyeon was pretty much his older sister, being the only one he could truly call friend ever since they corresponded through letters at the age of 8. Both women had helped and loved him a lot, more than he ever imagined strangers could. No words about his family or his life before he moved here but Junmyeon knew he would know someday. His relationship with Yifan was unlike his past relationships with his ex-girlfriends in junior high and high school. It was not full of excitement and innocence. He felt the sharp edge one morning when he absent-mindedly linked his hand to Yifan’s on the way to school and he pulled out in a flash, worriedly looked around then looked at him annoyingly. “People might see.” It was early in the morning when the street was mostly deserted. That moment hit him hard, shook him back to reality. He did not think far enough as how they would deal with that, with all the possible problems. He did not think of them at all. He understood a small part of why Yifan did not want to put a status on their relationship or made it visible to those outside of their circle now. “I’m okay with people saying things about me but I don’t want that happen to you, ever,” Yifan said that night, after studying, when Junmyeon was lying on his thigh, eyes closing. So Junmyeon tried to get use to it, of anticipating the fear that would creep in once in a while, beside happiness and excitement.

 

**~12~**

The second school year finally passed, long yet too swift. Junmyeon would come back home until July while Sehun and Kyungsoo stayed for the full summer. Sehun would work full time at a studio this summer. The other three would be just as busy at Miss Han’s studio as the season of continuous deadlines was about to come. Yifan and Junmyeon decided to be a little bit adventurous than their frequent non-penetrative sex before Junmyeon headed back home. Yifan wanted to stop at fingering only and Junmyeon was completely okay with that, not wanting to force him to go farther than he wished. Surely, Junmyeon had past experiences but Yifan was a fast learner. Junmyeon also found how much easier it was to discuss sex with Yifan compared to with his exes quite refreshing. So they went for it when Sehun and Kyungsoo went out with their friends. Junmyeon rubbed his newly shaved face at Yifan’s cheek, sent him laughing, plopping down the bed. Yifan flipped Junmyeon over, straddled him. He held Junmyeon’s face and kissed him deeply. It started out sensual and grew messier. They broke off the kiss to rid themselves off clothing. Junmyeon held Yifan’s slim waist, caressing his back as Yifan moved down to kiss his neck. Yifan continued to kiss down, stopped at Junmyeon’s erect cock. He gave it a few stroke, sent Junmyeon slumped deeper into the pillow. He gave the tip a tentative lick before moving up to fetch the lube from the bedside table. Yifan then moved back to his previous position between Junmyeon’s legs. He lifted them a little higher then carefully inserted a lube-coated finger inside Junmyeon as he lowered his mouth to Junmyeon’s erection. It did not cause much of the problem as Junmyeon did the same with himself before. Furthermore, Yifan’s hand may be big but his fingers were slender and long, something which Junmyeon loved very much. Despite his past relationships, Junmyeon had never had a blow job. He must say it was exploding, regardless that Yifan’s movements were a bit reluctant. The sight of Yifan’s around his cock alone was a bomb already. Junmyeon was careful not to buck too deep into Yifan’s mouth, however, as this was the first time they tried fellatio. Under the stimulation of both his cock and his prostate, Junmyeon gripped Yifan’s hair, made the other boy whine around his cock. “Faster,” he said through his own grunts, “your hand,” he clarified when Yifan looked at him in confusion. Junmyeon pulled Yifan up just as he came. The other boy looked breathless as he pulled out his hand. Junmyeon pulled him down and gave him a fierce kiss. “That was fucking amazing,” he kissed Yifan again. Junmyeon laid Yifan on his side after they cleaned up. They went slower this time after the initial haste faded. “Can I insert two fingers?” Junmyeon asked as he kissed Yifan’s shoulder blade, caressing his inner thighs. Yifan turned to look at him, “But I only inserted one.” “You didn’t ask for two,” he kissed the other boy’s flush cheek, “but it’s fine if you don’t want to.” Yifan chuckled and rolled his eye. “Get on with it, silly.” Junmyeon smiled back at him. He kissed down Yifan’s side, all the while caressing his inner thighs and arse. After a while, Junmyeon sat up and poured lube on his hand. He kissed and caressed Yifan’s hip as he inserted the index finger into him. Yifan lied still, stopped breathing for a second, hands gripping the pillow and the sheet hard. There was no resistance, Junmyeon was not the only one to have played with himself, apparently. It was tight and warm. He started to move slowly then twisted his finger and lied down next to Yifan, earned him a gasp from the other boy. Junmyeon kissed Yifan’s back languidly, kept his finger in the same pace. When Yifan started to squirm, he added another finger, made him pulled his legs up. After a short while, Junmyeon carefully twisted his fingers and Yifan to the front. He did not stop but still went very slow. Yifan was panting hard and leaking then. Satisfied, Junmyeon pinned Yifan’s hips down, prevented him from bucking up and wrapped his mouth around Yifan’s cock, felt him clenching hard. Yifan did tell him to speed up with his fingers but he shook his head around Yifan’s cock and kept going with the same slow pace. Yifan huffed, gripped his hair tighter but Junmyeon just smiled, made it clear that he would keep going like this until Yifan came. When the orgasm hit, Yifan’s toes all but curled, his back arched hard, pleasure exploded in every inch of his body. Junmyeon did not stop pushing his fingers until Yifan stopped shaking. They both found themselves unable to look at each other’s faces, shy like when they first found out they considered each other more than friends after washing up. It quickly passed and they snuggled close in Junmyeon’s single bed, all warm and satiated.

 

**~12~**

After summer passed, Yifan and Junmyeon decided to stay in the same flat when third year hit. Their relationship was still kept low-profile, which was not exactly what Junmyeon wanted. Even so, he was satisfied with what they had right now. He understood that Yifan had some trust issues, whose origins were unknown, so he had to be patient. He tried asking both Jessica and Miss Han about that but they did not willing to share much, all he knew was that it was family-related. Junmyeon was surprised with himself, that he could fall for someone, another man to be correct, to such a degree. He guessed that there existed a kind of love like that, not fierce like fire but light as air and soothing as water. It just came so casually, as if it had been there all along, just waited to be discovered. He used to promise “forever”, dream of a future when he was with his girlfriends, yet with Yifan, he tried to appreciate every happy minute that they got together, appreciate just the present as both of them had yet to come out with their family. The prospect of having to say good-bye ached him. Thinking about the inevitable backlash ached him. He never knew that love could be this painful. It crashed over him like waves, choked the air out of him. Maybe, all were just over-thinking but Junmyeon would not be Junmyeon if he did not overthink. They were attending the school’s spring art exhibition that time when Yifan just suddenly vanished. Both Sooyeon and Junmyeon, along with Miss Han, ran to find him everywhere in the university. Eventually, they found out that he ran back to his old room in 12A. He did not allow anyone to go into his room but Miss Han. Sooyeon stayed while Joonmyeon ran back to school to get her as she would set her phone silent, busy taking care of the event. “He slept now,” she said when she got out of the room, “I have to get back the exhibition now. Can you watch over him, Sooyeon, just until I get back?” “I’ll stay the night.” Miss Han nodded, whispered something to Sooyeon and went back to school. “What just happened?” Junmyeon asked in confusion. He followed Sooyeon to the kitchen. “Yifan had a panic attack. He thought he saw his father at the exhibition. He still haven’t told you?” Junmyeon finally got the gist. “No.”

 

**~13~**

Yifan remembered that man clearly. To outsiders, his father was a respected veteran and chairman of the company he owned, confident, organized and austere. Yet, to his family, he was nothing but a fearful figure. That man disrespected his own parents, bully his own younger brother and abuse his wife and son. The atmosphere inside the home was always suffocating. No one dared to talk too loud, to eat too much, to turn the volume of the TV on too high, to do anything he did not allow. Yifan remembered watching that man beat his mother like she was nothing, then beat his uncle when he begged him to stop beating his sister-in-law, and turned to slap the then three-year-old him for crying, witnessing all of that. Yifan had never got through a day uninjured, either by words or by action. His mom could only cry watching her son being treated like that, which Yifan understood. He later found out one of the reasons that man hated him so much was because he was thought to be the child of his mother and his uncle. He was tortured for years because of a thought. His uncle introduced him to a pen-pal program when he was 8, through which he met Sooyeon, who was a year older than him. He always felt grateful that he had her in those dark days. He told her everything, including the abuse. He thought she would be terrified and turned away but she did not. Instead, she always comforted and gave him motivations. Yifan thought he would have died that day. He prepared to die that day. He was just finished lunch when his father called him up to his room. From the tone of that man’s voice, he knew it would not end well. When he went up, his father was holding his diary, face red. He wrote about his crush, who was a boy. He did not react, expected the usual treatment. What he did not expected was being dragged by the collar to the bathroom and pushed into the bathtub full of water. He reached above the surface frantically, to the hand that was holding him in place under the water at first. But he soon closed his eyes and succumbed to his fate. He only knew what happened next through his uncle when he dropped him off at Miss Han’s house. Apparently, his father panicked when Yifan stopped moving in the tub. He tried CPR but Yifan still did not breathe again and his heart rate was still zero. His uncle just returned home when Yifan was being carried downstairs, unmoving. The two and his mother rushed him to the hospital.Afterwards, the doctor said if they had been one minute late, they would have to bury him. That was the last straw. His uncle packed his belongings, ignored his mom’s kicking and crying, secretly flew Yifan abroad. The abuse did not make Yifan more reserved than before. One of the things he inherited from that man was his temperament, apparently. He was easily angry but luckily, he had been taught to suppress all his emotions since he was young so it was not really a big problem. Sure, Yifan punched his crush one time, sent teeth flying everywhere in the end year of high school for mocking his sexuality and tear off his sketches of him but that was only a one time thing. Sooyeon still thought that was one of the most epic things she had ever witnessed. Just like his father, he was full of pride, he allowed noone to disrespect him. The best thing, Yifan thought that that man gave him was the love for art. When he was in a good mood, he taught Yifan how to draw and how to appreciate art. Those were the good things, even though their studying sessions always ended in that man yelling at him and beating him for doing something wrong and Yifan crying.

 

**~14~**

“That’s why I draw rather than write my diary,” Yifan said to Junmyeon, lying on bed the next day. Junmyeon could feel his blood boil, sitting on the ground, looking over Yifan’s picture diary and listened to the story. He found himself speechless. All the pieces clicked together now, Yifan’s shyness, his choice for architecture instead of painting and why Sooyeon was like family to Yifan. “I never got in a relationship because I’m afraid I might hurt my partner or that he might hurt me, like that man did,” Yifan continued, “That’s why I asked Sooyeon to find information on you. I’m sorry if it’s intrusive.” Junmyeon shook his head. “I’m not normally like this, though. Depression, anxiety disorder, PTSD were years ago,” Yifan turned to his side to look at Junmyeon. Junmyeon reached up to caress Yifan’s cheek and nape. Yifan relaxed into his touch. “It’s ironic, don’t you think? That I beat up someone and still, just a person who looks a little bit similar to that man sent me into a panic attack. That I was so similar to someone I hated so much.” “No, you’re nothing like that man. You’re sweet and gentle. You’re not loud. You treat people respect. Your resting bitch face is intimidating but you’re actually really cute,” Yifan laughed at that, “That’s Sehun words, not mine, by the way.” “That little brat,” Yifan held Junmyeon’s hand, “I understand if you want to end what’s between us after this. I don’t blame you. I find it tiresome to deal with myself sometimes.” Junmyeon shook his head again, leaned in to kiss Yifan. His feelings for Yifan solidified, even if Yifan did not want to make it official. He just knew that he would be by Yifan’s side from now on. He had to. He chose to be obliged to be with Yifan. “I’ll keep you safe, okay.” Yifan nodded. He scooted over so that Junmyeon could lie with him. He then laid his head on Junmyeon’s shoulder, playing with Junmyeon’s hand. “You know, I don’t think I would let you lie with me and kiss me that New Year if I hadn’t been drunk.” Junmyeon sniggered, kissing the top of Yifan’s head.

 

**~15~**

Yifan was offered a scholarship to study abroad in London in the next two years while Junmyeon just received his conscription announcement. Quite timely, Junmyeon thought, he needed time to think about his future anyway, either continued to pursue what he felt was a hopeless dream or switched to teaching. Yifan and Junmyeon faced temporary good bye the way they loved, all calm. Junmyeon knew deep down that they would see each other again. He drove Yifan to the sea that summer. Being architectures in the making, they woke up early to draw the sun coming up. They got down into the sea when night came and no one was there. They hit the bed that night laughing. Yifan wanted to fly over to London after he sent Junmyeon off to do his military duty but Junmyeon insisted that he wanted to see Yifan off before he went away for two years. This would be their last night together. Junmyeon leaned over Yifan and kissed him passionately. He slid his hand under Yifan’s shirt and pinched his nipple lightly, feeling Yifan’s breath hitched. Yifan craned his neck as Junmyeon kissed down to his collarbone. They kept kissing as they undressed. They went slowly, wanting to prolong this final moment as much as possible. Yifan went a little boneless as Junmyeon kissed and massage his body with both his hands and mouth. He licked Yifan’s nipples, all the while soothing his sides. He continued to kiss downwards, hands caressing Yifan’s hipbones. Junmyeon then positioned himself between Yifan’s legs, lifted his right leg and kissed his thigh. He went back up to Yifan’s lips as he prepared him while Yifan stroked Junmyeon’s cock. Junmyeon slid in the tight heat and moved slowly, watching Yifan’s close his eyes, mouth parting waiting for pleasure. Yifan reached up to hold Junmyeon’s down for a kiss, pushing back at every thrust. They hugged each other tightly as Junmyeon pushed Yifan’s leg higher and sped up. He changed his angle to hit Yifan’s prostate every time he pushed in. Junmyeon loved that Yifan only let out tiny moans in his throat so that he was the only one, who was close to him, could hear them. Junmyeon could feel that Yifan was close as he clenched sporadically around him. He kissed Yifan’s temple and ear, reaching down to stroke his cock. Yifan’s back arched into the touch, his grip on Junmyeon’s shoulders grew hard when he came. Junmyeon continued to thrust into Yifan through his orgasm then stuttered to a halt, pouring inside him. He lied on Yifan’s chest, listening to his frantic heartbeat slowing down while Yifan stroked his hair lovingly. Junmyeon drove Yifan back home to say goodbye to Miss Han, Sooyeon, Sehun and Kyungsoo then to the airport the next morning. Junmyeon hugged Yifan tightly before he went inside, those who looked be damned. Later that day, after he returned, Junmyeon found a note pasted in his own sketchbook:

 

_“I know what hope is when I heard your name that day.”_ ________________________________________

 

**Author's Note:**

> If this fic makes you feel it's a bit Honey and Clover-ish, then you're right! I re-read the manga to write it, hence the art school setting (oh, the irony). Initially the ficwas about the time after all the characters graduated with them working together in a studio but then I shifted to when they were still in school instead. So, even though this story is OE, don't worry about them breaking up. The notes passing thing is not really random but rather deliberate, I hope you find it okay, prompter.


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